Monday, September 3, 2012

I'm a Princess!

I screw up a lot. I know that I am not supposed to put myself down, but I do mess up a lot. This past week I was reading Paul's words in Romans 7:15, which say, "I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate." That describes me so well.

I get so frustrated with myself at times. I do not understand how each morning I get up, pray, and tell God that today is a new day and I am going to do well with my self-discipline (lie #1), and I am going to stick to my new feeding lifestyle that I know God told me to go by (lie #2), and that I am going to get all of my list for the day accomplished (lie #3). Without meaning to, I have lied to God three times before I have even gone to the bathroom. I really intend to do those things, but someone calls or comes by, the kids/grandkid needs something, or something inevitably takes over my mind and the day gets shot.

I got real holy last week though! I was going to overcome this devil in my life. I made the entire family (except the 19 year old rebel who feels she does not have to succomb to this fast) turn off the television for 21 days. I figured if the TV is not on then we will get our lives in order. Well, that ding dang dong "devil" (flesh, life, whatever you want to call it) made me so busy I could not tell if I was coming or going this entire first week. So all this time in prayer and feeding my spirit and soul did not even happen. Man, does Paul really get to my gut with that scripture up there.

It is easy to blame the devil for me. Because if he did it then I am not as responsible as I should be. I mean, I am responsible for what does or does not get done in my life, but if the enemy is messing with me and causing the problem, then I am not as fully responsible thus giving me a sort of a clean conscience. Or so I hoped. However, I knew something was off.

Well, I know that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. However, Paul is showing me even more in Romans, that my flesh is still MY flesh and not the devil's. Therefore, I am responsible for my actions.

The bad thing is, I am still working on how to overcome my flesh. I promise you, I have started a 21 day fast like six times within the last month to help me with my flesh. Guess what? Yep, I have messed that up as well. Usually by day three I am crabby and sinning by lashing out at everyone around me and very far from holy. So I tell myself that since I am not honoring God anyway, I might as well eat. A long time ago, I convinced myself that God was the one telling me that. Now I know it is my stomach.

So I do not have the perfect answer or even a message from God on how to overcome the flesh other than what the Bible says. And that is pretty much taking authority over it. I quote scriptures all day to myself and the unseen enemy. I can even quote praises to God. However, I have not mastered what myself and Paul was working on. So over the next 21 days I will keep myself accountable and I hope I can learn. I will be digging into the scripture (truth #1) as I eat healthy (truth #2 - unless it is laid out before me because we are supposed to eat what is set before us right? Just kidding I will be good), and make a more doable list for each day (truth #3). As I move through this time period, as I find nuggets through prayer and reading, I will share them with my blog and see if I can get some enlightenment from the people in the virtual world to help me.

God bless and see you next time!


Saturday, August 25, 2012


I was speaking with an old friend this past week whom I hadn't seen in years. She is really an amazing woman. She asked me how someone in my family was doing, and I did not know how to answer without the situation going to complete awkward in zero to sixty real quick! This old friend saw my struggle and perceiving the amount of people I hadn't seen in years, advised me to say to the guests when they asked that my loved one was "working on the testimony of their life." I loved that saying. I really did. It spoke to my heart. Because the Word of God is so powerful to me and I have to trust in it's promises. If my loved one has been raised in the knowledge of the Lord, then when they are grown the Word of the Lord will not depart from their mouth. I felt my spirit lifted back from awkward to peace instantly!

However, my excitement did not end there!!! My friend went on to have me sit with her and proceded to talk to me about one of my children, who is a practicing prodigal on her way back home - Working on her testimony! She told me that there is no need to worry about my loved ones. My friend told me that I had to give them over to God and to stand on His promises. Then God, through her, showed me a promise straight from His best selling book.

It is found in Jeremiah verse thirty-one and verses sixteen and seventeen:
"But now this is what the Lord says:
'Do not weep any longer,
for I will reward you,' says the Lord.
'Your children will come back to you
from the distant land of the enemy.
There is hope for your future,' says the Lord.
'Your children will come again to their own land.'

You see, God's word never changes. Have you ever read a book as a child and when you went to reread it as an adult you found that some of the instances were changed or modified? Maybe some passages were removed or edited out of the newer version of the book? Well, that has happened to me to a bunch of books. The author does that to make the book more accomidating to the present time period. Well, let me tell you something. God's Word does not change. It is the same today, yesterday, and forever! He cannot change nor will His Word ever.

I was so blessed to hear that scripture that my friend shared with me and I have been rereading it in many different versions and applying it to my heart. I want it laminated for the refrigerator. I know my kids will be with me in paradise one day. I know my whole family will be in the throne room worshipping the Father with me. I know my family will reunite altogether one day and dance before the Lord in worship.

Why do I know this? Because the Lord is telling me through His Word! This is so awesome that I just had to share it with you. I thank the Lord and give Him all the glory! He is the master of my life and I would be nothing without Him. I am far from a perfect creature so I can't even -nor do I want to - imagine what my life would be like without Him in it!

Thank You, Lord for giving me my life and for honoring Your Word. I know the doctors were concerned, but I applied Your Word over me and now I am healthy! I know that when kids or siblings wander through the world, they will come Home because Your word says they will return from the enemy's camp! Thank You, Lord! To You be all honor and glory forever!

Love and bless you!

Monday, August 13, 2012

Seeing the Move of God Coming!

God is on the move! Many have worried about his existence, but they have not stopped to look around and see what is going on here on earth nor have they studied the scriptures. If they had, they would know that He is on the move and that He exists and that His Word is coming to life. So many signs and so many wonders are here.

According to the 2nd chapter of Joel, “Then, after doing all those things, I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your old men will dream dreams, and your young men will see visions!"

Okay, I have been seeing this happen a lot lately. Even my own daughter has had some of these things happen to her.

This weekend I got the opportunity to watch the children of a friend so they could go work and help at a youth camp. Their children were so well mannered and well behaved. I could not believe it. I normally am the last person who volunteers to take children for a weekend. No one even asks me if they could leave their children with me. I love kids, don't get me wrong, but for a couple of hours. Or just having a couple spend the night with their parents home so I could send them home if need be. And NEVER do I take in boys. I have all girls and just don't know what to do with the boys.

However, this weekend, it was almost supernatural how smoothe things went. The boy was so amazing. I almost wished I hadn't had a tubal ligation because I wanted a boy like him. Almost! The girls all got a long just fine. It was truly amazing.

Their parents in the mean time were ministering to youth for the first time, and God was really moving where they were. They all got in tune with God and God moved mountains for them. Awesome.

What does this have to do with the end times I am talking about? It is about the move of God. Where as God worked miracles at this camp, God also worked miracles in my home as well. We made some mistakes this week. My husband, myself, and my kids. We said some ungodly things to one another. I even stopped and said to myself, "This doesn't sound right at all. This is not in our nature. The enemy is at work here trying to destroy something." All I did was cry out to God in my heart.

Then, on Sunday, when Ruben gave communion (la Santa Cena), I knew that in order to take the communion I had to repent for my part. 1 Corinthians 11:24-28 says, "And when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, 'This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.' In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.' For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes. Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty concerning the body and blood of the Lord. Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup."

Okay, so since I'm not sure what "unworthy" describes in detail, I examined myself and didn't want to deal with the repercussions in case my sin -although repented was still unconfessed to Ruben, my pastor and my covering. And of course the sin was against him. So I confessed and then popped the bread in my mouth. Ruben laughed (thank God he is a laid back person), but I really felt guilty. Then everyone apologized for their wrong doings. That just does not happen a lot here. The kids yes, the adults? No. (I think we are growing).

Again, what does this have to do with the beginning of this bog? I would have confessed to God in the past and taken the communion, or "accidentally" be in the bathroom when communion was served. But I have this deep need/desire to serve God right and to do things the right way right now because I can see the people around me. I can see children prophesying. I can see young having visions and I do not consider myself old, but I am having dreams.

There are wars and rumors of ward, there are earth quakes getting stronger and more frequent. there are famines throughout the world still (the news doesn't report it but I found out recently there are still famines real bad in some countries in Africa), and there is so much pestilence (contagious diseases) out there. These are physical signs. God says these are just the beginning of sorrows in Matthew chapter four.

Then Jesus goes on to say that people will turn on each other, and that love will grow cold. This is happening so much now. This earth is not the same as it was even when I was a child. Funny, my mom used to tell me how horrible the earth was compared to when she was a child. It seems to be getting worse with each generation.

In Luke 17:26, we read about how it will be as in the days of Noah. I am not sure if anyone has stopped to look around, but when homosexuality becomes such an integral part of society that even the church is divided on it's stance, I am pretty sure we are definitely getting close to the days of Noah if we are not already there. Everyone is starting to do what is right in their own minds.

Is there a need to fear? No, and if you do, read 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." Or read 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

Worrying is not of God, and Peter says in one of his epistles that we can cast all our cares upon Him. God will take our fears. Those of us who fear the end times, we need to cast those worries on Him. He will take us through and give us strength. You don't believe me? Just read the Bible. It's full of God's promises! You don't believe the Bible? Well, look around because it was written 2000+ years ago and it is coming true now - in your life time, and in my life time.

We were especially chosen by God to be here during this time period. Isn't that amazing? God chose us for here and now. So what are you going to do with your lot? Are you going to join this move of God? Are you going to sit by and watch it pass and hope nothing bad falls upon you? Will you be watchful? Will you pray?

I say, I want to be in the kingdom of God and up in the front row of the throne room praising my Lord. Am I perfect? No. Do I sin. Yes. Am I sorry I am not perfect? You betcha. Perfect people annoy me because I cannot seem to be as good as them. But at the end of the day, I know they struggle with something. Everyone does. I keep telling myself that. No I may not be perfect, and I might struggle with sin. But I know God is my deliverer and will relieve me of my torment or my sins and will make me whole.

I look forward to that day and I know He is my strength and my rock and my comforter. He is there when I need Him. By looking around at everything going on around us in this world, I know His time is at hand.

Be watchful, my friends. Be watchful in all things. For that great day of the Lord is soon at hand. Mark my words. I pray all of you are up there with us in heaven when the time comes. God bless!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Pains from Junk Food

Ugh, sometimes I can be really stupid. I know I am smart, but sometimes I just make stupid errors. For instance, today I ate food I know is off limits. I did the same thing yesterday and possibly the day before. I don't know if my sugar is up or what, but I'm up and it is almost midnight. This is late for me.

I am so tired but sleep evades me. I've spoken all the scripture over myself, yet sleep evades me. Was the chips/dip worth it? NO! Was the cookie muffins worth it? NO! Was the fancy jelly filled cookies worth it? NO! So I admit I ate things yesterday and today that are deplorable, but now what do I do? How do I fix it so I can sleep? I know the sugars went straight into my bloodstream, so i guess I am going to have to wait it out.

I know it sounds silly that eating a little bit of junk food throws my guilt over the top, but I have been told to lose weight, and I have been given a new way of life to eat. I am finally getting control and starting to lose weight through diet and exercise, but I was such an extreme. I gained 35 lbs in the last two years. Fourteen since January.

My health has been on a downward spiral and God is giving me a second chance. Failure is NOT an option!!! I refuse to die while my children are young due to obesity related illness. I refuse to die by illness and I refuse to be overcome by any infirmity, mental illness, or anything that is not of God! I simply refuse! - anyway, done with my side tangent.

I have asked God for forgiveness, and I know He forgives, but I guess the consequences are still there. Why oh why did I give into temptation? Because my flesh is weak. I guess I wasn't fighting with my armor on today. I know my battle is not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, and against spiritual wickedness in high places, according to Ephesians 6:12.

However, I also know that Luke tells us that He has given us power to tread on snakes and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy and nothing shall by any means hurt me.

So what happened today? I sinned. I knew I wasn't supposed to eat those foods and I did. Yesterday, too. I could have take authority over the temptation and I could have taken the power, given by God, and not have eaten it. But I chose instead to lay my armor down and eat. I feel like Esau giving up his birthright but instead I'm giving up sleep. I know it is no where near the same, but it is almost midnight, don't judge.

Sometimes we think sin - even just a little sin- won't really hurt us and it is okay to "Cheat" or divulge once in a while. But it really isn't. The Bible never says to sin sometimes. The Bible, in Leviticus, calls us to be holy as He is holy. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, according to 1 Corinthians, and we need to treat them as such.

I know I would not go into the temple and offer up garbage to God. So why do I fill myself with garbage? Because my flesh likes garbage. Obviously, my temple doesn't. I am paying for it now like crazy. Well, I am now asking God to make me not like junk food. I do not want to occasionally splurge because when I do that, I lose my self-control.

The same happens with sin. If we struggle with a certain sin, then we are not able to go back and "cheat" every once in awhile. Where is our self-control? It is a fruit of the Spirit. If we want to honor God all the time, then we must step into the position and keep our armor on at all times. We can't pick and choose which part of the Bible we want to obey and which part we want to toss by the way side. I must honor God with our bodies at all times.

I must be on the lookout at all times. Because the Bible does say in Luke that we need to be watchful for we do not know when the time comes (for His coming). And honestly, I have enough sin blotted out in the rather large book. I need to have some good things in there, as well. I know I am not worthy of His forgiveness and I have screwed up so much that I don't know why God still gives me chances. But I do know this, I want to serve Him. I want to know Him, and I want to be just like Him.

Forgive me, Lord for being irresponsible the last couple of days and for dishonoring the temple. I feel like the whip is coming to clean out the temple. Please Lord, have mercy on me. I do long to be like You and I'm sorry for letting just a little sin come in because I know in my case it doesn't end up being a one time thing. I thank You for Your saving grace and for Your mercy. Guide me in all things and grant me wisdom and understanding. I love You, Lord. To You be all glory and honor. Amen.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Just Some Olympic Thoughts

"Gina you're going to break the t.v., stop!" as I continued to do cartwheels and roundoffs all over the tiny living room. We lived in a 925 square foot three bedroom home, so room was scarce. But I didn't care. I had just seen Mary Lou Retton win the gold medal and Ecaterina Szabo take silver. I was in heaven! This was the 1984 Olympics and Mary Lou could do things that were unimaginable - back then.

I was always a fan of the Olympics. As a child, the olympics reigned in our house - at least with me. I looked forward to it every four years. I was going to amount to something like one of those gymnasts! I was so obsessed. I even went in my front yard and practiced and practiced and practiced. For one who had no training in a gym with a coach, I did really well. I was really hoping Bela and Marta would accidentally be driving down the street and see me and pick me to go to Texas to train. Of course, that obviously did not happen. I was so let down. Well, if nothing else I did have an imagination.

Fast forward to now? The olympics still are the only show on the television during those two weeks. My husband, a former swimmer, is as into the games as I am. However, now each of us has a favorite sport and we focus on those. Even though the Olympics are on, most of the time I venture through the house getting other work done. Anyone who knows us, in this home, Swimming, Gymnastics, and Diving are the favorite sports. And this year's Olympics did not disappoint.

The underdog at the beginning, Gabby Douglas, was such a powerhouse the first week. She was performing and performing, showing everyone what she was made of. If she hadn't taken first in the trials, she probably wouldn't have been there because she was not a favorite. They said she "broke under pressure"? Really? She didn't that first week. The other amazing thing was how she gave God the glory and truly lived her testimony out. No matter what happened she had the best attitude and smile.

Even during week 2 when she was exhausted from all the gymnastic performances and had to deal with people attacking her hair and her mom on social media, she may not have performed well or to her best ability, but her smile still shown and she genuinely congratulated the other gymnasts.

Jordan Weiber was amazing as well. She did her best, and even though took fourth overall was not able to compete in the all around because only two from each country was allowed into the all around. Her heart was broken and her dreams were crushed. Yet, the media would not leave her alone. The sweet young lady was crying for all the world to see, her dreams shattered and three cameras were all in her face not giving her space. (I don't understand the insensitivity of the media!). Yet, she had smiles on the rest of the week and cheered her team on and helped lead them to a team gold. She was in everyone else's corner.

Over to swimming, Michael Phelps delivered as expected. He had a rough start, but he ended high. That swimmer we all came to love and know during the last few olympics came out during his third race and was here to stay. He went out on top, and always had something good to say about the other team mates. I thought when people lost races, they were upset and down and did not like the competition. So it was funny when one European swimmer said, "I just got beat by Michael Phelps!" and asked for his autograph.

Missy Franklin came out of nowhere and shocked us all. She was amazing!!! She has to go back and finish her senior year of high school. What an amazing swimmer. And she was always smiling, and congratulating herself. Franklin even said she wanted to be a role model for other girls.

Where does all this positivity come from? From many of the athletes of all sports I saw so much glory going up to God. Not all of them (or even all the ones mentioned), but many of them in all the sports. I genuinely felt, during this Olympics, and during a time where our country is extremely divided on the faith issue, that God sort of sent us a message saying He is still here and there is still hope. Even many who lost still gave God the glory and was smiling because they even made it to the Olympics. It was like they were saying, "I made it to the battle. I might not have been the winning soldier, but at least I prepared and came to the fight! Being chosen for the battle is just as exciting as being the winner!" I know they weren't really saying that, but that's the look on those particular athletes. Sure, they were upset that they did not win a medal, or the gold medal, but they were just so dang dong happy the whole time.

I think I, as a Christian, need to view life the same way. I've been praying, getting to know God, and studying His Word like crazy for what? Well, to get to heaven, but according to Ephesians 6 we are in a battle. So why should I whine about the devil coming after me and trying to take me and my family down? I should be happy that the Lord chose me for such a time as this! I should be happy because if I'm fighting for the Lord, I know the outcome. I only have to speak the Word and pray to fight. I only have to put on the armor of God to be prepared to fight. The armor of God is just reading, praying, and applying what the Word says in my life.

Yet, when the enemy comes in - instead of fear and crying - I need to trust in the Word that the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against it. I need to know that no weapon formed against me shall prosper and that God is great in me.

I know I have been talking about this alot lately in my blogs, but it is my battle right now. Anyone else going through this battle, I'm real quick to encourage and pray with. I have all the faith in the world about their triumph, but my own I struggle with.

I am happy. Overall, I have peace that passes understanding, and true joy. Sometimes, I just let the devil get a shot in. Well, I have been inspired. Thank you to all the Christian athletes, and those athletes with the Christian athletes who can't help but catch the contagious positivity. I have done my preparation. I have put in a lot of hard work. I might not be perfect and I might make mistakes, and I might not even be on the medal stands, but God is glorious and deserves all the glory in my life. He brought me to the battle and He will help me in it. I can be happy in knowing that God is watching over me and looking out for me!

Congrats to all the olympians for you have made it and you are all doing great jobs! You are doing your best! Finally, Thank you God! You Rock!!!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

What a day at Chick-Fil-A!

Wow! That is all I have to say about today. Today was an amazing day of my life. Although a battle in the "war" was really fought today, it was amazing. You see, the CEO of a fast food chain was ridiculed for a statement he made on a Christian radio station. His belief in the Bible about what marriage states was received as a bigoted and intollerant view. City government officials all over the country were outraged and said no more Chick-Fil-A's can come into their cities, etc.

Then the Christians, who seldom ever get involved and fight, got tired. They got tired of being beaten. Prayer has been taken out of daily schooling. Prayer has been taken out of college graduations (my senior year was the final year the government allowed it). Abortion was made illegal the same year I was born. The christians are being forced to accept lifestyles and things that are clearly against the Bible and what the Bible teaching. Christmas parties and Merry Christmas - gone. No longer allowed to say it. Easter? No more easter vacations. It is now Spring vacation.

Over the last fifty to sixty years the christians have taken beating after beating. A movie comes out showing the story of the crucifixion and what happens? The Jews get mad because the christians made them look bad (it was a true story). Everywhere the Christians turn someone seemed out to get them. Then, they had enough. Enough of sitting down whining like little kindergardeners about how everything has been taken from them.

The media keeps talking about the boycotting of this fast food restaurant. Everywhere you turn no one was supporting them and apparently everyone was supporting the government and this CEO was completely out of line - or so we were being told. The media has stopped telling the truth a while ago and feeding us what we are supposed to think. Television shows, movies, video games, books, etc. So many things are telling us what we have to accept and what is the new norm. Well, someone somewhere realized we were being fed lies. We are all battling personal issues, spiritual issues, physcial issues, and financial issues. When does enough become enough? Today!

On August 1, 2012 the believers of the Faith and those who agree with the first amendment rights decided to fight back. They have had enough. So they decided to go and support this man, his constitutional rights, and their beliefs in the Word. How can believers get their point across without being verbally assaulting like the media? Easy, just go to the restaurants and eat their food.

All across the US, many believers and others united and went to these restaurants. In a world where discouragement and sadness had taken over the place we live. A place, we thought no longer held hope and that no one knew what was right and wrong anymore and that not that many believed in a higher calling from our Lord still cared? Well, today the media was shown and a small battle in this war was WON! Finally, the Christians united (over food of course).

Talk about the biggest, "After GLow" I have ever seen. Many restaurants ran out of food, and the lines were seldom under an hour. Traffic had to be controlled and many had to walk over busy streets to get to the restaurants. What an awesome message.

The message inside was even more uplifting. Everyone was smiling, and no matter how busy it got, the employees kept thanking us for our support. They came to our tables to refil our drinks and to just say hi even though they were so busy they could barely stand and looked tired. The smiles never left their faces. The patrons all were talking to each other and smiling and a genuine peaceful, loving Spirit permeated the crowd and laughter was such a good medicine. I was blessed by today.

I know this was an oasis in the desert many have been walking. To others, it showed that the media is not the majority and even though they are trying to tell us what to think - God is still in control. Even though the enemy meant evil for this CEO, God turned it into good. Even though the government tried to shut down this chain or stop it from growing/making any more money - God turned it and it backfired. It is safe to say that company made LOTS of money today - much of which will be given back out to the communties.

The funniest part is that I had no intention of attending this support team. I had no desire to go eat fast food during this time of living a healhier life. However, when I read my Bible study today on Esther I read how she stood up for what is right and noble. This is part of what we are supposed to do. For Esther and her Uncle it should have meant death. But even if we are the only ones standing, standing for truth is what Jesus wants.

However, Jesus wants us to do everything in love. I decided to take a stand. I did. And I did not do it maliciously or with meanness. I love God and everyone here on earth. But I must do what I am called to do. God is awesome! God is amazing! God is the Winner in the end. His Word does not come back void.

The Believers took a stand today. The enemy will retaliate but what does the Word say? NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST US SHALL PROSPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him. And greater is He who is in us, than he who is in the world. A favorite song of mine during worship also is helpful during this time, "And though were surrounded by armies of darkness, Lord open our eyes again. To see that surrounding those who suround us, are thousands of angels we cannot see. Those who are with us are more than those against us!" Rejoice my fellow believers because God is here and is with us! He is awesome and if we do what is right - He is on our side. I can't wait to see that white horse coming to get us. God bless you all! Amen.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Child in my bed.

My youngest is obsessed with my husband as of late. She is nine years old, the size of a seven year old, and when she sleeps in our bed takes up room like an adult! My little princess just can't seem to get enough of my husband now. I am so use to her being mommy's girl, but Daddy has over taken the role, and oddly I am not jealous.

There have been so many changes in our lives over the last two years - some good and some bad - and we have had our ups and downs. I did not stop to think about what it would do to a small child. I know that each and every decision we make doesn't affect just us, but I did not realize how much one decision could affect those loved ones in our household.

I know she will get through this and be back to normal in no time. But my heart still breaks when I hear her talk about her old bedroom in our old house, or how things use to be when we had our cat (even though that cat was mean to her and hurt her all the time). Then when my eldest got pregnant and had a baby, moved out on not the greatest terms, mom getting sick and moving in, elder sister breaking up with boyfriend and moving back home, then mommy getting really sick (scared her to death), and then everyone leaving home. So many things we do affect others. The biggest thing though is how I have responded myself to the changes. If my example and my walk was complete trust in our Lord and Savior, why does my daughter worry so? If my example was walking in the Spirit at all times, then would my daughter be stressed? I think I have a problem.

Too many times I lay my problems at the alter and get prayer, but then I am worrying about them again a couple of days later. I guess I have been teaching my children to trust in God and not worry about problems, but I haven't been doing what the Word says.

The Word says to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." I

guess I need to repeat this scripture because I have come to realize that those around us watch us and learn from our actions. If I am a true example and really following the Word, then my kids would not be this worried or stressed about changes. Changes are good. We will be changed in the blink of an eye - SOON. And I want to be ready and I want all three of my children and all of my loved ones with me. If I trust in the Lord with all my heart and not look on my surroundings, and acknowledge Him, He will make my path straight. When I go to take my problems back from God, I need to remember that He has it under control and I just need to praise Him and thank Him for taking care of them. God is never late. He promises to take care of us.

I wish I have been living this truth for the last two years, but I can't change the past. I need to move forward. So this day forward, I need to set a good example of trusting in my Lord and not worrying about the circumstances because I can't see with God's eyes, and my eyesight is limited. But if I truly believe the Word and follow it, then my children will follow suit. They will not know any better.

God forgive me for my unbelief and fill my heart with Your grace. Allow me to follow Your Word and be a Woman of God that You have called me to be. And please let Lissie go back to her bed! Thank You! Amen. Thanks for listening/reading. May the Lord guide you.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Fair and Peace

Went to the fair yesterday with the girls. They had a blast. We even met up with some friends there and literally were there from a little after noon to after 9:30 pm. It was crazy but fun. My kids laughed. I missed their laughter. It had been absent for a few months.

I tried blaming their unhappiness on other people and our circumstances. However, I need to accept that the peace in our home is dictated by myself or my husband, who is our priest and leader.

I am not sure why we as humans take our eyes off of God, but we do. If we just kept the focus straight everything would fall into line.

After reading Dueteronomy 28:1-2, which says, "Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the Lord your God will set you high above all nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the Lord your God: Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country."

If we can keep our focus on Him and follow His ways then we will be blessed! BLESSED! Laughter would fill the home at all times and everywhere we go and everything we touch would be touched by God. However, according to Dueteronomy 28:15-16, disobedience has consequence.

"But it shalkl come to pass, if you do not obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all His commandments and His statutes which I command you today, that all these curses will come upon you and overtake you. Cursed shall you be in the city, and cursed shall you be in the country."

Somehow, we got off track and onto the track of disobedience. I know what I was supposed to do, and I know what my husband was supposed to do. But we disobeyed and then peace left our home and the cursing came in. Now, we are in despair. I know what the Word said about blessings and cursings. We were unhappy and sick ALL the TIME!! I was down for seven weeks sick and barely able to do anything. And that chapter kept repeating itself over and over again in my mind. Panic attacks and anxiety crept in. Oh, Lord, how miserable I had become. How did I get out? How do I get out from under these curses? I loved God I did, and I know my husband did. But I didn't know how to get out. Despair grew deeper, and demonic torment started in all of our dreams. I couldn't cry out to God in my dreams. I kept crying out to God, but I didn't know a way out.... Night after sleepness night. And when I did sleep it was so unrestful.

Even the flex card is now almost used up....GOD GOD WHERE ARE YOU???????? I can't see you anymore? I can't feel you? I don't want to go to hell! I don't want to suffer anymore? I can't hear you! God help me..... I thought there was no way out. I thought there was no end. I even started trying to reach out to certain prayer warriors for help and hoping for even a rebuke. I got prayer, but no answer to a way out.

Next thing I knew my phone started playing Ron Kenoly. He was singing a scripture. I couldn't keep up with it so I Bible-gatewayed it to follow along. I was led to the scripture found in 2 Chronicles 7:14 which says,

"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land."

Great, I thought. It's not too late. My doom isn't sealed. I am His, I was bought at a price, and if I humble myself and pray and seek His face, and turn from my disobedience, then He will hear from heaven. He will HEAR FROM HEAVEN! Thank You, Lord. And He will forgive our sin and heal my land.

Easy enough verse, right? I'm so glad He sent it. But seeking His face is hard when the house if full and people are coming. However, I am not letting excuses be in my way. I needed peace, my kids needed joy and peace. Thank the Lord, He heard me. And He sent me who needed to see me. Now, yesterday, I realized - fully realized- that God is in the process of healing our land in our home. My kids were laughing and smiling and having a good time. I could still feel the enemy trying to put doubts in us, and I could still sense him coming at us, but then I remember that when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him. And NO weapon - NO WEAPON formed against us shall prosper. If God is for us then who can be against us. I know I am surrounded by God's army.

And I have asked God for forgiveness and I pray I do not go back into disobedience and I ask for the Spirit of the Lord to guide me each day. I have to make time for my Lord. He kept His end and brought peace back. I can't believe how quickly we were restored. The process isn't over, but the peace in our home is amazing and I can't afford to lose it. I stopped blaming others and accepted responsiblity for my home and God heard me. It's not too late for any of us. He is here and will Hear from heaven if we follow those steps. God bless!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

My daughter and her yarn!

I have a daughter. Actually, I have three daughters. They are all unique in their own ways. The daughter in question, however, is eleven years old in physical age, but she seems to be an adult when you talk to her. Today I noticed she was having a problem with some yard I had given her a few months back. It was strewn out everywhere, tangled up pretty badly, just a complete mess. I asked her if I could show her a trick. She said no, that she wanted to fix it on her own. She had been working on it for three days straight. I knew she had, I have been watching her and wondering what she had been doing with her yarn.

After some time of watching her get frustrated and agonize over this yarn, I asked her again to let me help her. I just wanted to show her a trick. So she gave me the yarn and I found and end piece and started rolling it into a ball. I did not get very far, of course, because there were so many knots and tangles. As I unraveled it, I did have to cut it in a spot, but I retied the knot so that no one could really tell that there had been a break in the yarn. I had it fixed inside of 15 minutes and she had been working for three days. She was even more frustrated. And I started to think.

How many times have we gotten ourselves into a mess, or have gotten into a mess because of someone else and God has offered through His Word to help us. Cast all of our cares upon Him right? But how many times do we try to fix it ourselves. I fixed in 15 minutes what my daughter had been trying to fix for days and was not getting anywhere. She would not have gotten it fixed and it would have gotten worse. And she does not even know how it got that way.

I think about how much stuff I have tried to fix on my own, and I end up frustrated and have even given up on things, when God is right there just asking for me to cast it onto Him so He can carry it or fix it. And everytime, EVERYTIME, when I hand it over I get immediate peace.

Now, her yarn isn't perfect anymore. There are tiny knots that will always be there because I had to fix a broken yarn. Just as many of us have been broken, we are fixed and just as good as new. No one else may be able to see our scars, but we know they are there. Instead of seeing them as something ugly or flawed, we can see them as reminders of where we were and where God has brought us from. All we have to do is cast our cares upon Him. He will take them over.

Thank You, Lord for englightening us and fixing us when we can fix things. Thank You for being there whenever life gets us down, and for waiting patiently for us when we try on our own. Thank You for carrying us through. God You are worthy! I love You! Amen


"Here my desperation, see my brokenness, reaching out for mercy, gasping for Your breath. For You are all I need, Your truth unlocks my chains and makes me free. Your light and mercy let's me see, that since the cross I never have to be without You!" - CFN Worship

Wow. Those words are powerful and amazing aren't they. Hear my desperation, see my brokenness. I have cried those same words out to the Lord asking Him to deliver me. Asking Him where He was. You know what? He was there all the time. I couldn't see Him or feel Him, but He was there.

When I get in times of deep anxiety or fear, or am just in a really big valley, sometimes I think God has forgotten me. But He hasn't. He is always there. Sometimes I feel that I just can't go on and I look to lean on Him, or I can't sleep, and I look to find Him but I can't see Him. However, even though I can't see Him, He is there the whole time.

Why is that? Why do I sometimes feel like I pray and my words bounce off a wall and come back to me? I know the Word says He is omnipresent, but why do I feel He shuts me out?

I have learned throughout time that He is there, even when it feels like we can't see Him. Sometimes I think maybe He just wants to know if I will push through no matter what. Othertimes, I think I have cut myself off and not realized it. All I know is that He is there.

How do I know? Because without Him the chains come back on and I fall back into the same bondage. Without Him, I am desperate and afraid. Without Jesus, I am weak and lost. The times that it feels He isn't there, I stop and take inventory of my heart and my life and know He is there. And I stop and listen, if I am still then I can know He is God. I will be able to push through and know that My God is still there. He is always there. He is omnipresent.

Even when we are in our valleys. We just need to reach out to Him, He will be there. We just need to call on Him.

The Word says that whoever calls upon the Name of the Lord will be saved. We just need to call upon His name. There is so much power in the Name of Jesus! Jesus can take away our sins. Jesus can take away our fears. Jesus can take away our anxieties. Jesus can take away our sicknesses. We just need to call on His name.

Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! His Name is holy and our savings grace. To God be all honor forever. "Without you" Yes, without You, Lord I am nothing. With You I can do anything! Love You!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Time with my Father!

Do you ever get tired of battling the same issue over and over? Do you ever wander why we keep going around the same mountain and can't seem to get off? Sometimes I wonder how to get it "right" so I can just stop fighting the current battle. I have quoted the scripture, read the scripture, and done all the appropriate things. When my kids get sick, I annoint them with oil, pray over them and cast the spirits of infirmity out of my house. I journal, I write, I read books on spirituality, I stopped listening to secular music, I sent the kids to VBS and make sure they are at church service every Sunday. Not to mention, we read to them every night out of the Bible and discuss any questions and all questions.

What am I leaving out? Oh yeah, how about prayer. I mean, I pray every day. I pray over my food, I pray over my friends and family, I pray over those in authority, etc. But do I actually interact with my Lord?

I want to say yes, I do. I want to say I do everything He asks of me and I talk to Him. But how much time am I spending being busy for Him, and following the rules versus how much time do I spend on my knees in prayer? How about intercession?

I realize that even though I shout out prayers and I do pray, I'm so busy talking to Him and it's not any real time in prayer. I've been guilty of that. I was reading in Psalm today (and I've been praying alot because of the amount of sickness that has entered into my home and my family. I was crying to God about how I've annointed the kids, I've prayed and I've rebuked. I've done everything that has been asked of me, so what is the problem?) and God said to me through the Psalm, "Be still and know that I am God!"

I have been so busy doing everything else and saying wordy prayers, but I've not been on my knees and really giving Him His personal time, and I have not been quiet enough to hear what He has to say. I know part of it is I am afraid of His answer, but I still need to give my Father His time and the time on my knees with Him. How can I expect to help others and teach others when infact, I'm not living it myself? Our time with God is crucial.

It could be the difference of the wheat and the tares one day. I don't want to be a tare, do you? Here's what I am throwing out to you and to me. Let's just say before we speak anymore death or negativity (life and death is in the tongue), let's go to God. Really go to God. Let's get back to the old fashioned prayer meetings. Let's claim our homes for the heavenlies and not only talk about prayer, but be a living example. Especially in our homes.

Too busy you say? Too much to do in the day? You're working all day and you are just too tired? There are too many activities going on during your day? Well, I say this to you. If you have time to read a book, sit by a pool and get rays, watch television, go to the movies, go shopping, have lunch with a friend, and even sit and crochet, then you can give God a few minutes of your time.

It would be horrible to go through the motions and do all the work, yet not make it into heaven because you never developed a relationship with Jesus Christ and never spent time communicating with Him. I know I'm guilty and I know these messages sometimes are harsh, but when I'm woken up I have to obey or I can't go back to sleep. And when I have questioned whether or not I am doing the right thing, I get an email or a text saying that spoke to them.

So God loves you. He loves you enough to wake me up to give me these messages. And they are not just for you, they are for me as well. I am going to pray right now and I ask you to join me as a first step. Then you can kneel on your own time in your own place.

"Father in heaven I come before you, humbled. I ask that You forgive me for ignoring the most importan being in my life - YOU! I ask that when I sit around and am wasting time or am not being a good time manager, I ask that You remind me that You are there listening. I want more than anything to walk through those gates and have You say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant!" I want to sit at Your feet in heaven and worship You all the time. Lord, I long to be one with You. I want to spend the time with You and I am sorry life has gotten in the way. The first step to being a good wife and mother is to first have a personal relationship with You. I thank You for Your forgiveness and I receive it in Jesus' Name. To You be all Glory and Honor forever and ever. Amen!"

Now go and spend some time with God, social networking can wait. Love you all!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

God's people who are struggling. I have a message!

I can't believe I'm up again. This has happened a few times now since June 21, 2012. I'm not sure what has changed within me, but I must say that I am looking for a peaceful night's sleep. I keep thinking that the enemy is just messing with me, but then I think maybe God is trying to get my attention about something that seems to escape me during the day when I tend to get busy.

I believe with all my heart that we were created to worship Him and to glorify Him. If I was created in God's image for worship, then how do I get to be so busy that I forget or just don't get to the important one on one relationship with Him?

I mean, I keep meaning to. And lately I have made time for Bible schooling, reading, Bible Study, and even have been playing my worship music in the background all day. However, I have neglected to speak to Him everyday one on one.

I have learned that if I don't commune with God, I tend to start suffering in other areas and I slip and even though I get back up, I want to be more Christlike and less Ginalike. I don't want to keep slipping where I have been slipping. So if God keeps waking me up everytime I fall asleep because I've neglected Him or I haven't done what He has said during the day, then I must be obedient and spend that time with Him. I do not want to miss out on what He has for me.

God has been so good to me. I have an amazing husband and some amazing children. I have good friends and a great family. I am surrounded by His miracles and His love.

So if God is the ultimate gift giver and miracle worker, why is He the first one forgotten? I am afraid we have taken God for granted. As a house wife I know how that feels. I am the queen of being forgotten, or my needs being put off to the side for others. How dare I do that to my Lord and Savior.

"Lord, I am sorry for neglecting You and taking You for granted. Your word says whatever we ask for we shall receive, and I ask for forgiveness. I ask for forgiveness for neglecting You and not putting You first in my life. Second, I ask for forgiveness for living for myself over You and Your wants. Thirdly, I ask that since Your Word says, "If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray, and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven, and will heal them and heal their land," will You honor it in my life. I purpose to seek Your face, and I humbly come before You broken asking for forgiveness in every area that I have sinned. I am turning rom my wicked and rebellios ways. Please heal me comepletely mentally, physically, and spiritually and heal our land! I thank You, Lord and give You all the glory and Honor!"

God will do the same for you! Have you neglected Your Lord? Have you been rebellious and ignoring the prompting of the Spirit because you have been to busy or too afraid or just lazy and complacent? It's not too late. He is here and He is ready to give you a fresh start. I mean, God really must love whoever needs this word besides me because it is almost 3:00 in the morning and I'm up and God is having me type this out.

Not only does God love you, but where His presence is there is fullness of Joy! Do you hear/read that? Where the presence of the Lord is, there is fullness of Joy! You will be able to smile again. You can have that peace that passes all understanding. All you have to do is humble yourself, pray, turn from your wicked ways (and yes, ignoring the tugging of the Spirit is wicked), then He will hear from heaven, and will heal you and heal your land.

You will be able to sleep again. You will be able to breathe comepletely again. You will be able to sing again. Your voice will glorify God and lift people up wherever you go! Just know that if God is for you, then who can be against you. God is here. God has not left you. God is waiting - for you. He is right there. Just kneel where you are and speak to Him! God bless you!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Sprit and flesh

We are all called and we all have a purpose. Why do we spend so much time fighting it? I feel like I've been fighting something my entire life, only I don't know what I'm fighting. And then sometimes I feel like just giving up the fight. In reality the only things I need to worry about are following Christ and being a good example for Him, being a Godly mother and wife, and showing Christian love to my friends and family.

Honestly, I feel as though I've failed in those areas. My flesh fights hard and after all this time I realize that is what I'm fighting - my flesh! Why doesn't my flesh want to go the same way my spirit does? Why does it fight us so hard? I apologize to everyone I have let down. I can only pray that I start at this point and follow my Lord Jesus Christ and lead everyone around me into His peaceful presence. For there is no greater peace than in Him. "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom!"

I'm praying that His Spirit is here in me, in my home, and in my life. Because there is freedom. Freedom to dance, freedom to sing, freedom to be who it is He has called me to be. If you want that peace and freedom too, just cry out to God because He says in His Word, "Whatever you ask for, believing you shall receive!"

I ask anyone out there listening to join me as I ask God, and believing His response, I say, "Lord, fill me with Your Spirit, never NEVER let me Go! I want Your Peace, and Your freedom! I want my family to follow You no matter what! I want my kids to walk in their full potential/calling, I want my husband to be at peace! Lord, I want to be alive in You and You alive in me. Lord, I don't want to know where You end and I begin! Guide me and protect me and those around me! Help me to stop fighting You, and whatever the fight is, Your word says to resist the devil and he will flee. Your Word says No weapon formed against us shall prosper, Your word also says When the enemy comes in like a flood You will lift up a standard against him, and finally, Your Word says that By Your stripes we are healed. Lead us into the everlasting and give us Your Spirit and Your peace and Your freedom right now! Heal me from any infirmities and from what the enemy is trying to do to Me. Greater are You that is in me than he that is in the world. Thank You, Lord. To You be all honor and glory forever! Amen. I love you, Lord."