Pains from Junk Food

Ugh, sometimes I can be really stupid. I know I am smart, but sometimes I just make stupid errors. For instance, today I ate food I know is off limits. I did the same thing yesterday and possibly the day before. I don't know if my sugar is up or what, but I'm up and it is almost midnight. This is late for me.

I am so tired but sleep evades me. I've spoken all the scripture over myself, yet sleep evades me. Was the chips/dip worth it? NO! Was the cookie muffins worth it? NO! Was the fancy jelly filled cookies worth it? NO! So I admit I ate things yesterday and today that are deplorable, but now what do I do? How do I fix it so I can sleep? I know the sugars went straight into my bloodstream, so i guess I am going to have to wait it out.

I know it sounds silly that eating a little bit of junk food throws my guilt over the top, but I have been told to lose weight, and I have been given a new way of life to eat. I am finally getting control and starting to lose weight through diet and exercise, but I was such an extreme. I gained 35 lbs in the last two years. Fourteen since January.

My health has been on a downward spiral and God is giving me a second chance. Failure is NOT an option!!! I refuse to die while my children are young due to obesity related illness. I refuse to die by illness and I refuse to be overcome by any infirmity, mental illness, or anything that is not of God! I simply refuse! - anyway, done with my side tangent.

I have asked God for forgiveness, and I know He forgives, but I guess the consequences are still there. Why oh why did I give into temptation? Because my flesh is weak. I guess I wasn't fighting with my armor on today. I know my battle is not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, and against spiritual wickedness in high places, according to Ephesians 6:12.

However, I also know that Luke tells us that He has given us power to tread on snakes and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy and nothing shall by any means hurt me.

So what happened today? I sinned. I knew I wasn't supposed to eat those foods and I did. Yesterday, too. I could have take authority over the temptation and I could have taken the power, given by God, and not have eaten it. But I chose instead to lay my armor down and eat. I feel like Esau giving up his birthright but instead I'm giving up sleep. I know it is no where near the same, but it is almost midnight, don't judge.

Sometimes we think sin - even just a little sin- won't really hurt us and it is okay to "Cheat" or divulge once in a while. But it really isn't. The Bible never says to sin sometimes. The Bible, in Leviticus, calls us to be holy as He is holy. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, according to 1 Corinthians, and we need to treat them as such.

I know I would not go into the temple and offer up garbage to God. So why do I fill myself with garbage? Because my flesh likes garbage. Obviously, my temple doesn't. I am paying for it now like crazy. Well, I am now asking God to make me not like junk food. I do not want to occasionally splurge because when I do that, I lose my self-control.

The same happens with sin. If we struggle with a certain sin, then we are not able to go back and "cheat" every once in awhile. Where is our self-control? It is a fruit of the Spirit. If we want to honor God all the time, then we must step into the position and keep our armor on at all times. We can't pick and choose which part of the Bible we want to obey and which part we want to toss by the way side. I must honor God with our bodies at all times.

I must be on the lookout at all times. Because the Bible does say in Luke that we need to be watchful for we do not know when the time comes (for His coming). And honestly, I have enough sin blotted out in the rather large book. I need to have some good things in there, as well. I know I am not worthy of His forgiveness and I have screwed up so much that I don't know why God still gives me chances. But I do know this, I want to serve Him. I want to know Him, and I want to be just like Him.

Forgive me, Lord for being irresponsible the last couple of days and for dishonoring the temple. I feel like the whip is coming to clean out the temple. Please Lord, have mercy on me. I do long to be like You and I'm sorry for letting just a little sin come in because I know in my case it doesn't end up being a one time thing. I thank You for Your saving grace and for Your mercy. Guide me in all things and grant me wisdom and understanding. I love You, Lord. To You be all glory and honor. Amen.