Monday, July 30, 2012

Child in my bed.

My youngest is obsessed with my husband as of late. She is nine years old, the size of a seven year old, and when she sleeps in our bed takes up room like an adult! My little princess just can't seem to get enough of my husband now. I am so use to her being mommy's girl, but Daddy has over taken the role, and oddly I am not jealous.

There have been so many changes in our lives over the last two years - some good and some bad - and we have had our ups and downs. I did not stop to think about what it would do to a small child. I know that each and every decision we make doesn't affect just us, but I did not realize how much one decision could affect those loved ones in our household.

I know she will get through this and be back to normal in no time. But my heart still breaks when I hear her talk about her old bedroom in our old house, or how things use to be when we had our cat (even though that cat was mean to her and hurt her all the time). Then when my eldest got pregnant and had a baby, moved out on not the greatest terms, mom getting sick and moving in, elder sister breaking up with boyfriend and moving back home, then mommy getting really sick (scared her to death), and then everyone leaving home. So many things we do affect others. The biggest thing though is how I have responded myself to the changes. If my example and my walk was complete trust in our Lord and Savior, why does my daughter worry so? If my example was walking in the Spirit at all times, then would my daughter be stressed? I think I have a problem.

Too many times I lay my problems at the alter and get prayer, but then I am worrying about them again a couple of days later. I guess I have been teaching my children to trust in God and not worry about problems, but I haven't been doing what the Word says.

The Word says to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." I

guess I need to repeat this scripture because I have come to realize that those around us watch us and learn from our actions. If I am a true example and really following the Word, then my kids would not be this worried or stressed about changes. Changes are good. We will be changed in the blink of an eye - SOON. And I want to be ready and I want all three of my children and all of my loved ones with me. If I trust in the Lord with all my heart and not look on my surroundings, and acknowledge Him, He will make my path straight. When I go to take my problems back from God, I need to remember that He has it under control and I just need to praise Him and thank Him for taking care of them. God is never late. He promises to take care of us.

I wish I have been living this truth for the last two years, but I can't change the past. I need to move forward. So this day forward, I need to set a good example of trusting in my Lord and not worrying about the circumstances because I can't see with God's eyes, and my eyesight is limited. But if I truly believe the Word and follow it, then my children will follow suit. They will not know any better.

God forgive me for my unbelief and fill my heart with Your grace. Allow me to follow Your Word and be a Woman of God that You have called me to be. And please let Lissie go back to her bed! Thank You! Amen. Thanks for listening/reading. May the Lord guide you.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Fair and Peace

Went to the fair yesterday with the girls. They had a blast. We even met up with some friends there and literally were there from a little after noon to after 9:30 pm. It was crazy but fun. My kids laughed. I missed their laughter. It had been absent for a few months.

I tried blaming their unhappiness on other people and our circumstances. However, I need to accept that the peace in our home is dictated by myself or my husband, who is our priest and leader.

I am not sure why we as humans take our eyes off of God, but we do. If we just kept the focus straight everything would fall into line.

After reading Dueteronomy 28:1-2, which says, "Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the Lord your God will set you high above all nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the Lord your God: Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country."

If we can keep our focus on Him and follow His ways then we will be blessed! BLESSED! Laughter would fill the home at all times and everywhere we go and everything we touch would be touched by God. However, according to Dueteronomy 28:15-16, disobedience has consequence.

"But it shalkl come to pass, if you do not obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all His commandments and His statutes which I command you today, that all these curses will come upon you and overtake you. Cursed shall you be in the city, and cursed shall you be in the country."

Somehow, we got off track and onto the track of disobedience. I know what I was supposed to do, and I know what my husband was supposed to do. But we disobeyed and then peace left our home and the cursing came in. Now, we are in despair. I know what the Word said about blessings and cursings. We were unhappy and sick ALL the TIME!! I was down for seven weeks sick and barely able to do anything. And that chapter kept repeating itself over and over again in my mind. Panic attacks and anxiety crept in. Oh, Lord, how miserable I had become. How did I get out? How do I get out from under these curses? I loved God I did, and I know my husband did. But I didn't know how to get out. Despair grew deeper, and demonic torment started in all of our dreams. I couldn't cry out to God in my dreams. I kept crying out to God, but I didn't know a way out.... Night after sleepness night. And when I did sleep it was so unrestful.

Even the flex card is now almost used up....GOD GOD WHERE ARE YOU???????? I can't see you anymore? I can't feel you? I don't want to go to hell! I don't want to suffer anymore? I can't hear you! God help me..... I thought there was no way out. I thought there was no end. I even started trying to reach out to certain prayer warriors for help and hoping for even a rebuke. I got prayer, but no answer to a way out.

Next thing I knew my phone started playing Ron Kenoly. He was singing a scripture. I couldn't keep up with it so I Bible-gatewayed it to follow along. I was led to the scripture found in 2 Chronicles 7:14 which says,

"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land."

Great, I thought. It's not too late. My doom isn't sealed. I am His, I was bought at a price, and if I humble myself and pray and seek His face, and turn from my disobedience, then He will hear from heaven. He will HEAR FROM HEAVEN! Thank You, Lord. And He will forgive our sin and heal my land.

Easy enough verse, right? I'm so glad He sent it. But seeking His face is hard when the house if full and people are coming. However, I am not letting excuses be in my way. I needed peace, my kids needed joy and peace. Thank the Lord, He heard me. And He sent me who needed to see me. Now, yesterday, I realized - fully realized- that God is in the process of healing our land in our home. My kids were laughing and smiling and having a good time. I could still feel the enemy trying to put doubts in us, and I could still sense him coming at us, but then I remember that when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him. And NO weapon - NO WEAPON formed against us shall prosper. If God is for us then who can be against us. I know I am surrounded by God's army.

And I have asked God for forgiveness and I pray I do not go back into disobedience and I ask for the Spirit of the Lord to guide me each day. I have to make time for my Lord. He kept His end and brought peace back. I can't believe how quickly we were restored. The process isn't over, but the peace in our home is amazing and I can't afford to lose it. I stopped blaming others and accepted responsiblity for my home and God heard me. It's not too late for any of us. He is here and will Hear from heaven if we follow those steps. God bless!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

My daughter and her yarn!

I have a daughter. Actually, I have three daughters. They are all unique in their own ways. The daughter in question, however, is eleven years old in physical age, but she seems to be an adult when you talk to her. Today I noticed she was having a problem with some yard I had given her a few months back. It was strewn out everywhere, tangled up pretty badly, just a complete mess. I asked her if I could show her a trick. She said no, that she wanted to fix it on her own. She had been working on it for three days straight. I knew she had, I have been watching her and wondering what she had been doing with her yarn.

After some time of watching her get frustrated and agonize over this yarn, I asked her again to let me help her. I just wanted to show her a trick. So she gave me the yarn and I found and end piece and started rolling it into a ball. I did not get very far, of course, because there were so many knots and tangles. As I unraveled it, I did have to cut it in a spot, but I retied the knot so that no one could really tell that there had been a break in the yarn. I had it fixed inside of 15 minutes and she had been working for three days. She was even more frustrated. And I started to think.

How many times have we gotten ourselves into a mess, or have gotten into a mess because of someone else and God has offered through His Word to help us. Cast all of our cares upon Him right? But how many times do we try to fix it ourselves. I fixed in 15 minutes what my daughter had been trying to fix for days and was not getting anywhere. She would not have gotten it fixed and it would have gotten worse. And she does not even know how it got that way.

I think about how much stuff I have tried to fix on my own, and I end up frustrated and have even given up on things, when God is right there just asking for me to cast it onto Him so He can carry it or fix it. And everytime, EVERYTIME, when I hand it over I get immediate peace.

Now, her yarn isn't perfect anymore. There are tiny knots that will always be there because I had to fix a broken yarn. Just as many of us have been broken, we are fixed and just as good as new. No one else may be able to see our scars, but we know they are there. Instead of seeing them as something ugly or flawed, we can see them as reminders of where we were and where God has brought us from. All we have to do is cast our cares upon Him. He will take them over.

Thank You, Lord for englightening us and fixing us when we can fix things. Thank You for being there whenever life gets us down, and for waiting patiently for us when we try on our own. Thank You for carrying us through. God You are worthy! I love You! Amen


"Here my desperation, see my brokenness, reaching out for mercy, gasping for Your breath. For You are all I need, Your truth unlocks my chains and makes me free. Your light and mercy let's me see, that since the cross I never have to be without You!" - CFN Worship

Wow. Those words are powerful and amazing aren't they. Hear my desperation, see my brokenness. I have cried those same words out to the Lord asking Him to deliver me. Asking Him where He was. You know what? He was there all the time. I couldn't see Him or feel Him, but He was there.

When I get in times of deep anxiety or fear, or am just in a really big valley, sometimes I think God has forgotten me. But He hasn't. He is always there. Sometimes I feel that I just can't go on and I look to lean on Him, or I can't sleep, and I look to find Him but I can't see Him. However, even though I can't see Him, He is there the whole time.

Why is that? Why do I sometimes feel like I pray and my words bounce off a wall and come back to me? I know the Word says He is omnipresent, but why do I feel He shuts me out?

I have learned throughout time that He is there, even when it feels like we can't see Him. Sometimes I think maybe He just wants to know if I will push through no matter what. Othertimes, I think I have cut myself off and not realized it. All I know is that He is there.

How do I know? Because without Him the chains come back on and I fall back into the same bondage. Without Him, I am desperate and afraid. Without Jesus, I am weak and lost. The times that it feels He isn't there, I stop and take inventory of my heart and my life and know He is there. And I stop and listen, if I am still then I can know He is God. I will be able to push through and know that My God is still there. He is always there. He is omnipresent.

Even when we are in our valleys. We just need to reach out to Him, He will be there. We just need to call on Him.

The Word says that whoever calls upon the Name of the Lord will be saved. We just need to call upon His name. There is so much power in the Name of Jesus! Jesus can take away our sins. Jesus can take away our fears. Jesus can take away our anxieties. Jesus can take away our sicknesses. We just need to call on His name.

Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! His Name is holy and our savings grace. To God be all honor forever. "Without you" Yes, without You, Lord I am nothing. With You I can do anything! Love You!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Time with my Father!

Do you ever get tired of battling the same issue over and over? Do you ever wander why we keep going around the same mountain and can't seem to get off? Sometimes I wonder how to get it "right" so I can just stop fighting the current battle. I have quoted the scripture, read the scripture, and done all the appropriate things. When my kids get sick, I annoint them with oil, pray over them and cast the spirits of infirmity out of my house. I journal, I write, I read books on spirituality, I stopped listening to secular music, I sent the kids to VBS and make sure they are at church service every Sunday. Not to mention, we read to them every night out of the Bible and discuss any questions and all questions.

What am I leaving out? Oh yeah, how about prayer. I mean, I pray every day. I pray over my food, I pray over my friends and family, I pray over those in authority, etc. But do I actually interact with my Lord?

I want to say yes, I do. I want to say I do everything He asks of me and I talk to Him. But how much time am I spending being busy for Him, and following the rules versus how much time do I spend on my knees in prayer? How about intercession?

I realize that even though I shout out prayers and I do pray, I'm so busy talking to Him and it's not any real time in prayer. I've been guilty of that. I was reading in Psalm today (and I've been praying alot because of the amount of sickness that has entered into my home and my family. I was crying to God about how I've annointed the kids, I've prayed and I've rebuked. I've done everything that has been asked of me, so what is the problem?) and God said to me through the Psalm, "Be still and know that I am God!"

I have been so busy doing everything else and saying wordy prayers, but I've not been on my knees and really giving Him His personal time, and I have not been quiet enough to hear what He has to say. I know part of it is I am afraid of His answer, but I still need to give my Father His time and the time on my knees with Him. How can I expect to help others and teach others when infact, I'm not living it myself? Our time with God is crucial.

It could be the difference of the wheat and the tares one day. I don't want to be a tare, do you? Here's what I am throwing out to you and to me. Let's just say before we speak anymore death or negativity (life and death is in the tongue), let's go to God. Really go to God. Let's get back to the old fashioned prayer meetings. Let's claim our homes for the heavenlies and not only talk about prayer, but be a living example. Especially in our homes.

Too busy you say? Too much to do in the day? You're working all day and you are just too tired? There are too many activities going on during your day? Well, I say this to you. If you have time to read a book, sit by a pool and get rays, watch television, go to the movies, go shopping, have lunch with a friend, and even sit and crochet, then you can give God a few minutes of your time.

It would be horrible to go through the motions and do all the work, yet not make it into heaven because you never developed a relationship with Jesus Christ and never spent time communicating with Him. I know I'm guilty and I know these messages sometimes are harsh, but when I'm woken up I have to obey or I can't go back to sleep. And when I have questioned whether or not I am doing the right thing, I get an email or a text saying that spoke to them.

So God loves you. He loves you enough to wake me up to give me these messages. And they are not just for you, they are for me as well. I am going to pray right now and I ask you to join me as a first step. Then you can kneel on your own time in your own place.

"Father in heaven I come before you, humbled. I ask that You forgive me for ignoring the most importan being in my life - YOU! I ask that when I sit around and am wasting time or am not being a good time manager, I ask that You remind me that You are there listening. I want more than anything to walk through those gates and have You say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant!" I want to sit at Your feet in heaven and worship You all the time. Lord, I long to be one with You. I want to spend the time with You and I am sorry life has gotten in the way. The first step to being a good wife and mother is to first have a personal relationship with You. I thank You for Your forgiveness and I receive it in Jesus' Name. To You be all Glory and Honor forever and ever. Amen!"

Now go and spend some time with God, social networking can wait. Love you all!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

God's people who are struggling. I have a message!

I can't believe I'm up again. This has happened a few times now since June 21, 2012. I'm not sure what has changed within me, but I must say that I am looking for a peaceful night's sleep. I keep thinking that the enemy is just messing with me, but then I think maybe God is trying to get my attention about something that seems to escape me during the day when I tend to get busy.

I believe with all my heart that we were created to worship Him and to glorify Him. If I was created in God's image for worship, then how do I get to be so busy that I forget or just don't get to the important one on one relationship with Him?

I mean, I keep meaning to. And lately I have made time for Bible schooling, reading, Bible Study, and even have been playing my worship music in the background all day. However, I have neglected to speak to Him everyday one on one.

I have learned that if I don't commune with God, I tend to start suffering in other areas and I slip and even though I get back up, I want to be more Christlike and less Ginalike. I don't want to keep slipping where I have been slipping. So if God keeps waking me up everytime I fall asleep because I've neglected Him or I haven't done what He has said during the day, then I must be obedient and spend that time with Him. I do not want to miss out on what He has for me.

God has been so good to me. I have an amazing husband and some amazing children. I have good friends and a great family. I am surrounded by His miracles and His love.

So if God is the ultimate gift giver and miracle worker, why is He the first one forgotten? I am afraid we have taken God for granted. As a house wife I know how that feels. I am the queen of being forgotten, or my needs being put off to the side for others. How dare I do that to my Lord and Savior.

"Lord, I am sorry for neglecting You and taking You for granted. Your word says whatever we ask for we shall receive, and I ask for forgiveness. I ask for forgiveness for neglecting You and not putting You first in my life. Second, I ask for forgiveness for living for myself over You and Your wants. Thirdly, I ask that since Your Word says, "If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray, and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven, and will heal them and heal their land," will You honor it in my life. I purpose to seek Your face, and I humbly come before You broken asking for forgiveness in every area that I have sinned. I am turning rom my wicked and rebellios ways. Please heal me comepletely mentally, physically, and spiritually and heal our land! I thank You, Lord and give You all the glory and Honor!"

God will do the same for you! Have you neglected Your Lord? Have you been rebellious and ignoring the prompting of the Spirit because you have been to busy or too afraid or just lazy and complacent? It's not too late. He is here and He is ready to give you a fresh start. I mean, God really must love whoever needs this word besides me because it is almost 3:00 in the morning and I'm up and God is having me type this out.

Not only does God love you, but where His presence is there is fullness of Joy! Do you hear/read that? Where the presence of the Lord is, there is fullness of Joy! You will be able to smile again. You can have that peace that passes all understanding. All you have to do is humble yourself, pray, turn from your wicked ways (and yes, ignoring the tugging of the Spirit is wicked), then He will hear from heaven, and will heal you and heal your land.

You will be able to sleep again. You will be able to breathe comepletely again. You will be able to sing again. Your voice will glorify God and lift people up wherever you go! Just know that if God is for you, then who can be against you. God is here. God has not left you. God is waiting - for you. He is right there. Just kneel where you are and speak to Him! God bless you!