Jesus

"Here my desperation, see my brokenness, reaching out for mercy, gasping for Your breath. For You are all I need, Your truth unlocks my chains and makes me free. Your light and mercy let's me see, that since the cross I never have to be without You!" - CFN Worship

Wow. Those words are powerful and amazing aren't they. Hear my desperation, see my brokenness. I have cried those same words out to the Lord asking Him to deliver me. Asking Him where He was. You know what? He was there all the time. I couldn't see Him or feel Him, but He was there.

When I get in times of deep anxiety or fear, or am just in a really big valley, sometimes I think God has forgotten me. But He hasn't. He is always there. Sometimes I feel that I just can't go on and I look to lean on Him, or I can't sleep, and I look to find Him but I can't see Him. However, even though I can't see Him, He is there the whole time.

Why is that? Why do I sometimes feel like I pray and my words bounce off a wall and come back to me? I know the Word says He is omnipresent, but why do I feel He shuts me out?

I have learned throughout time that He is there, even when it feels like we can't see Him. Sometimes I think maybe He just wants to know if I will push through no matter what. Othertimes, I think I have cut myself off and not realized it. All I know is that He is there.

How do I know? Because without Him the chains come back on and I fall back into the same bondage. Without Him, I am desperate and afraid. Without Jesus, I am weak and lost. The times that it feels He isn't there, I stop and take inventory of my heart and my life and know He is there. And I stop and listen, if I am still then I can know He is God. I will be able to push through and know that My God is still there. He is always there. He is omnipresent.

Even when we are in our valleys. We just need to reach out to Him, He will be there. We just need to call on Him.

The Word says that whoever calls upon the Name of the Lord will be saved. We just need to call upon His name. There is so much power in the Name of Jesus! Jesus can take away our sins. Jesus can take away our fears. Jesus can take away our anxieties. Jesus can take away our sicknesses. We just need to call on His name.

Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! His Name is holy and our savings grace. To God be all honor forever. "Without you" Yes, without You, Lord I am nothing. With You I can do anything! Love You!

Time with my Father!

Do you ever get tired of battling the same issue over and over? Do you ever wander why we keep going around the same mountain and can't seem to get off? Sometimes I wonder how to get it "right" so I can just stop fighting the current battle. I have quoted the scripture, read the scripture, and done all the appropriate things. When my kids get sick, I annoint them with oil, pray over them and cast the spirits of infirmity out of my house. I journal, I write, I read books on spirituality, I stopped listening to secular music, I sent the kids to VBS and make sure they are at church service every Sunday. Not to mention, we read to them every night out of the Bible and discuss any questions and all questions.

What am I leaving out? Oh yeah, how about prayer. I mean, I pray every day. I pray over my food, I pray over my friends and family, I pray over those in authority, etc. But do I actually interact with my Lord?

I want to say yes, I do. I want to say I do everything He asks of me and I talk to Him. But how much time am I spending being busy for Him, and following the rules versus how much time do I spend on my knees in prayer? How about intercession?

I realize that even though I shout out prayers and I do pray, I'm so busy talking to Him and it's not any real time in prayer. I've been guilty of that. I was reading in Psalm today (and I've been praying alot because of the amount of sickness that has entered into my home and my family. I was crying to God about how I've annointed the kids, I've prayed and I've rebuked. I've done everything that has been asked of me, so what is the problem?) and God said to me through the Psalm, "Be still and know that I am God!"

I have been so busy doing everything else and saying wordy prayers, but I've not been on my knees and really giving Him His personal time, and I have not been quiet enough to hear what He has to say. I know part of it is I am afraid of His answer, but I still need to give my Father His time and the time on my knees with Him. How can I expect to help others and teach others when infact, I'm not living it myself? Our time with God is crucial.

It could be the difference of the wheat and the tares one day. I don't want to be a tare, do you? Here's what I am throwing out to you and to me. Let's just say before we speak anymore death or negativity (life and death is in the tongue), let's go to God. Really go to God. Let's get back to the old fashioned prayer meetings. Let's claim our homes for the heavenlies and not only talk about prayer, but be a living example. Especially in our homes.

Too busy you say? Too much to do in the day? You're working all day and you are just too tired? There are too many activities going on during your day? Well, I say this to you. If you have time to read a book, sit by a pool and get rays, watch television, go to the movies, go shopping, have lunch with a friend, and even sit and crochet, then you can give God a few minutes of your time.

It would be horrible to go through the motions and do all the work, yet not make it into heaven because you never developed a relationship with Jesus Christ and never spent time communicating with Him. I know I'm guilty and I know these messages sometimes are harsh, but when I'm woken up I have to obey or I can't go back to sleep. And when I have questioned whether or not I am doing the right thing, I get an email or a text saying that spoke to them.

So God loves you. He loves you enough to wake me up to give me these messages. And they are not just for you, they are for me as well. I am going to pray right now and I ask you to join me as a first step. Then you can kneel on your own time in your own place.

"Father in heaven I come before you, humbled. I ask that You forgive me for ignoring the most importan being in my life - YOU! I ask that when I sit around and am wasting time or am not being a good time manager, I ask that You remind me that You are there listening. I want more than anything to walk through those gates and have You say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant!" I want to sit at Your feet in heaven and worship You all the time. Lord, I long to be one with You. I want to spend the time with You and I am sorry life has gotten in the way. The first step to being a good wife and mother is to first have a personal relationship with You. I thank You for Your forgiveness and I receive it in Jesus' Name. To You be all Glory and Honor forever and ever. Amen!"

Now go and spend some time with God, social networking can wait. Love you all!

God's people who are struggling. I have a message!

I can't believe I'm up again. This has happened a few times now since June 21, 2012. I'm not sure what has changed within me, but I must say that I am looking for a peaceful night's sleep. I keep thinking that the enemy is just messing with me, but then I think maybe God is trying to get my attention about something that seems to escape me during the day when I tend to get busy.

I believe with all my heart that we were created to worship Him and to glorify Him. If I was created in God's image for worship, then how do I get to be so busy that I forget or just don't get to the important one on one relationship with Him?

I mean, I keep meaning to. And lately I have made time for Bible schooling, reading, Bible Study, and even have been playing my worship music in the background all day. However, I have neglected to speak to Him everyday one on one.

I have learned that if I don't commune with God, I tend to start suffering in other areas and I slip and even though I get back up, I want to be more Christlike and less Ginalike. I don't want to keep slipping where I have been slipping. So if God keeps waking me up everytime I fall asleep because I've neglected Him or I haven't done what He has said during the day, then I must be obedient and spend that time with Him. I do not want to miss out on what He has for me.

God has been so good to me. I have an amazing husband and some amazing children. I have good friends and a great family. I am surrounded by His miracles and His love.

So if God is the ultimate gift giver and miracle worker, why is He the first one forgotten? I am afraid we have taken God for granted. As a house wife I know how that feels. I am the queen of being forgotten, or my needs being put off to the side for others. How dare I do that to my Lord and Savior.

"Lord, I am sorry for neglecting You and taking You for granted. Your word says whatever we ask for we shall receive, and I ask for forgiveness. I ask for forgiveness for neglecting You and not putting You first in my life. Second, I ask for forgiveness for living for myself over You and Your wants. Thirdly, I ask that since Your Word says, "If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray, and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven, and will heal them and heal their land," will You honor it in my life. I purpose to seek Your face, and I humbly come before You broken asking for forgiveness in every area that I have sinned. I am turning rom my wicked and rebellios ways. Please heal me comepletely mentally, physically, and spiritually and heal our land! I thank You, Lord and give You all the glory and Honor!"

God will do the same for you! Have you neglected Your Lord? Have you been rebellious and ignoring the prompting of the Spirit because you have been to busy or too afraid or just lazy and complacent? It's not too late. He is here and He is ready to give you a fresh start. I mean, God really must love whoever needs this word besides me because it is almost 3:00 in the morning and I'm up and God is having me type this out.

Not only does God love you, but where His presence is there is fullness of Joy! Do you hear/read that? Where the presence of the Lord is, there is fullness of Joy! You will be able to smile again. You can have that peace that passes all understanding. All you have to do is humble yourself, pray, turn from your wicked ways (and yes, ignoring the tugging of the Spirit is wicked), then He will hear from heaven, and will heal you and heal your land.

You will be able to sleep again. You will be able to breathe comepletely again. You will be able to sing again. Your voice will glorify God and lift people up wherever you go! Just know that if God is for you, then who can be against you. God is here. God has not left you. God is waiting - for you. He is right there. Just kneel where you are and speak to Him! God bless you!

Sprit and flesh

We are all called and we all have a purpose. Why do we spend so much time fighting it? I feel like I've been fighting something my entire life, only I don't know what I'm fighting. And then sometimes I feel like just giving up the fight. In reality the only things I need to worry about are following Christ and being a good example for Him, being a Godly mother and wife, and showing Christian love to my friends and family.

Honestly, I feel as though I've failed in those areas. My flesh fights hard and after all this time I realize that is what I'm fighting - my flesh! Why doesn't my flesh want to go the same way my spirit does? Why does it fight us so hard? I apologize to everyone I have let down. I can only pray that I start at this point and follow my Lord Jesus Christ and lead everyone around me into His peaceful presence. For there is no greater peace than in Him. "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom!"

I'm praying that His Spirit is here in me, in my home, and in my life. Because there is freedom. Freedom to dance, freedom to sing, freedom to be who it is He has called me to be. If you want that peace and freedom too, just cry out to God because He says in His Word, "Whatever you ask for, believing you shall receive!"

I ask anyone out there listening to join me as I ask God, and believing His response, I say, "Lord, fill me with Your Spirit, never NEVER let me Go! I want Your Peace, and Your freedom! I want my family to follow You no matter what! I want my kids to walk in their full potential/calling, I want my husband to be at peace! Lord, I want to be alive in You and You alive in me. Lord, I don't want to know where You end and I begin! Guide me and protect me and those around me! Help me to stop fighting You, and whatever the fight is, Your word says to resist the devil and he will flee. Your Word says No weapon formed against us shall prosper, Your word also says When the enemy comes in like a flood You will lift up a standard against him, and finally, Your Word says that By Your stripes we are healed. Lead us into the everlasting and give us Your Spirit and Your peace and Your freedom right now! Heal me from any infirmities and from what the enemy is trying to do to Me. Greater are You that is in me than he that is in the world. Thank You, Lord. To You be all honor and glory forever! Amen. I love you, Lord."

Broken Kids are Hard To Fix

This week I have learned a valuable lesson. We had company over the other night. The house was full of people. Everyone was laughing, talking, and having a good time. My daughter decided it was time to sit down with a blanket I guess, and wanted to attempt to watch tv. However, as she pulled the blanket out (I keep them in an end table next to the couch) of the end table she jerked it really hard and knocked my favorite snow globe on the floor and broke it.

Everyone got real quiet. It was my favorite snow globe. I love snow globes and my children know it. This one was of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus during the manger scene. It was an expensive, beautiful piece. I loved that globe and I keep it out all year round to remind me during the rough times that Jesus was born to save me - ME. It's encouraging. So, back to the story. Everyone knew the meaning of that globe and how much I loved it. After a brief minute of shocked silence and everyone staring at me sitting at the dining room table just staring at the scene, Ariel, my eldest, jumped into action. She started cleaning it up and first saying, "Gabs just run real fast upstairs. Just go." The look on my little girl's face was imbedded in my mind.

I was angry, oh I was angry. A friend sitting across from me said, "There are the red blotched that reveal your anger." All I could do was look at her and try to contain my anger. But when I saw the look on her face I did not say a word and I let her go upstairs.

Accidents happen, I understand, but this was the fourth item in two weeks that meant something to me that she broke. She knew she was in trouble. My eldest and her boyfriend cleaned up the mess and disappeared. I knew she was upstairs crying. I also knew I had to handle it carefully because as I was praying for my anger to subside I realized that four items had been broken in two weeks, and they are gone. I am still around and all is ok. I am continuing on living and am not any worse off than before the items were broken.

Broken children are not just gone once broken and the family does not come out okay after the incident is over. Yes, my feelings were not happy that the item was broken but I was not about to have my child's spirit broken either because of a material object!

I went up to her room and spoke with her, and let her know I love her. She is more important that material objects. We talked, prayed, and even laughed by the end of the night.

I sure hope we as parents can remember that our children and their spirits/souls are more important than our gain and material possessions. Many broken items can be fixed, they may have cracks, but they can be fixed.

How we talk to our children can determine whether they have cracks or are whole. I need to uplift a child. I, as an adult, break things and make mistakes. I chastise myself and move on. We need to remember that children are just that - human children. They are the future of our country and future leaders of the world. We cannot afford to break them and give them cracks for the enemy to move in and rebreak! We need to make them strong and ground them in a permanent foundation so they will not be moved.

These children will get strong by what we say, how we speak, where we go, and how we behave. They are watching us and know us. We are helping God mold them, and thus we have a great responsibility!

When I saw that glass shatter, all of this came to me and I pray I handle these children with care and give them a firm foundation!

Words Stick like Glue

Have you ever wondered what you will be remembered by? William Shakespeare was not remembered for his house or how well he dressed. None of those things were ever passed down. His words were passed down and have been throughout so many generations. If one book wears out, another is printed. The same goes for Dante, Aristotle, and many more.

Even Licoln, although is relatively remembered as a president with a beard and is most remembered in a black outfit with a high hat, is really remembered by his words. Most children are even forced to memorize the "Gettysburg Address" because of the power of His words.

The other day I was found a container of old things from my life growing up. I tend to write a lot of journals. As I was reading one from my teen years I was so ashamed. If I died, this is what my children or whoever went through my things would find? The words that came out of my mouth and onto the written word were horrible and ungodly. I quickly shredded the journal and threw it away.

I then thought about people in ministry, people on television, teachers and professors. Everyone affects at least one other person. What we speak/write will be passed down from generation to generation. Even if we don't print it out and publish it - once our words come out we cannot take them back, burn them, throw them out. Unlike earthly possessions, these will not pass away or disenegrate or rot over time.

We think that no one will remember what we say most times, but did Homer realize his story spoken in word would live on though centuries? Is the story even the same one he told? Have people changed it over time but because the original story came from him he is credited for it?

In fact, a good friend once preached a sermon on "What is your legacy?" I've thought about that message so much lately. What is my legacy? What am I leaving behind? This computer won't be around much longer. I will purchase more furniture? I will lose weight and no longer need my clothes. and as I look at the bookshelf conataining books, movies, and my journals I realize that even if this house burns down the only thing that will not pass down is my personal journals. More books will be printed, the Bible will live on forever, the movies are readily available anywhere online or at any store. Those will live on forever. However, even my journals still have words I have spread that will be remembered by someone.

Will they remember me for the Godly words of Wisdom, for encouragement? Or will I be remembered for dirty jokes, curse words, and criticism of many things?

All I know is I want my legacy to be a Holy one. When people look at me I want them to see Jesus. I want them to remember the Words of the Lord, not of flesh coming from my lips. If I ever publish a book I hope it isn't one I'm ashamed of and would be so embarassed standing before the Lord explaining why I wrote it. I want to hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

One thing is for sure, from this day forward I pray the print coming out of my hands or the words coming from my mouth edify! Even what I write on Facebook or Myspace and even here will always be in cyber space and able for someone somewhere to creep upon.

I end this asking you what is it you want the people to see, read, or hear from you?

Ages

Wow so much time has past since my last blog. I know no one really reads these but sometimes an outlet it good. I was reading my profile and I realize that I have gotten so far off the track I was on and where I intended to be these days. How did that happen? I don't know. I can offer "life" as an excuse, but then again it would just be an excuse. Somehow, over the last few years I have lost myself and who I am and what I want to be.

The hard part is I have realized that I am off track. The next part is to figure out how to get back or at least back on the main road (so to speak). I just can't believe that I blinked and my kids are half grown, my oldest has made me a grandmother, and life is just rushing down the express lane on a freeway and I can't get to the exit.

So.....step one: breathe
Step two: Ask the good Lord for strength
Step three: Ask for guidance
Step four: Ask for the provisions and the boldness to do what needs to be done to get back on the right track.

Ok....I've asked the good Lord, and now I am waiting.....

Hopefully, the guidance will come to me in the night. Thanks for listening.